Don’t stop dancing
by Dana Norram
Summary: Hey God, I know I’m just a dot in this world. Have you forgot about me? — A dossier of Remus’ tragic life. // GEN // ONESHOT


**A/N:** The idea came from a integrant of the mailist "Ordem da Fênix" when she commented that the lyric had everything to do with Remus Lupin. I'm not a Creed fan (actually, my sister has listened to this music too many times some months ago that I really didn't want to listen to it!), but when I read its translation… I had no choice… everything was there… it was so simple. I only needed to write...  
Whatever, thanks to Ameria for the Translation and the beta Tizz! )

**Translator note: **This fanfic was originally written in Portuguese (Brazil).

* * *

**Don't Stop Dancing  
**Songfic by** Dana Norram  
**Translation by **Ameria Shaula Black  
**Song **by Creed**

* * *

Easter holiday. A little group of students gathered in Gryffindor common room in an agitated discussion.  
"Werewolves?" The uncertain voice belonged to a first year student named Sirius Black, who was in a conversation with an older student.  
"Do you really think they are, ah… _monsters_?"  
"Werewolves?" asked James Potter unconcerned, shrugging and messing his hair up even more with his fingers. "Why are we talking about werewolves now? They are monsters, sure… I guess."  
"We-werewolves?" stuttered Peter Pettigrew, slightly wide-eyed. "Well, they _devour_ people, don't they? What more could they be?"  
Remus John Lupin sank his nose in a book, solemnly ignoring everybody around him. The other three laughed at their mate's good behaviour and hardly noticed he was weeping. _

* * *

_

At times life is wicked and I just can't see the light

_

* * *

_

"So is this what you have been doing every full moon? Studying to become Animagi! Are you mad? It's against the rules! You can get into trouble…You can be expelled, and if you… _and if_… This is dangerous! You just can't do it!"  
James and Sirius raised eyebrows at the same time, but stayed quiet.  
"Why not, Remus?" asked Peter, a little stunned. After all it seemed a great idea. At least, James and Sirius said it was a great idea.  
"Because I… I'm not worth the risk." Remus looked into the eyes of each of his friends, but none of them seemed to agree with what he had just said.  
"Remus," James put one arm about his shoulders, speaking like he were teaching a child that one plus one equals two," We aren't doing this because it's funny or because we like getting into trouble…"  
"Yeah." Sirius leaned on Remus's other shoulder. "We're doing this because you are our friend and because we're sure you'd do the same for any of us! We worry about you, Moony…"  
"_Moony_?" Remus and Peter frowned in confusion.  
"I thought it matched," said Sirius, shrugging, and James agreed. "Remus is always absent-minded."  
Peter freed a suffocated laugh, then the thin and grayish face of Remus Lupin lit up when he first smiled that day.

_

* * *

_

A silver lining sometimes isn't enough to make some wrongs seem right

_

* * *

_

Remus awoke, startled, in the Hospital Wing.  
_Had it been a dream?  
_The smell of human flesh in the Shrieking Shack… He was almost sure he had smelled… almost sure…  
"Finally awake, Mr Lupin," Madam Pomfrey said professionally, but a closer look would reveal she was pale and her hands were trembling slightly.  
"Did something happen yesterday night?" Remus asked, not very certain if he would like to know the answer.  
The nurse gave him a long look, and then indicated to a bed near the opposite wall.  
A black-haired boy lay on it, and there were bandages around his arms and face, but Remus could still recognize him.  
_Severus Snape.  
_"What happened to Sever—?" But he didn't need to finish the question. His senses immediately caught the smell of blood… of human flesh….  
With a sob Remus held his face in his hands, too terrified to talk.

* * *

__

Whatever life brings

_

* * *

_

"Why, Sirius? Do you have any idea of what you have done?"  
The sixteen-year-old boy was staring at his own shoes, choosing not to look his friend in the eyes.  
"Sorry, Moony." He repeated the only words he could articulate.  
Silence.  
More silence. And then, finally a resigned sigh.  
"That's OK, Sirius… Don't worry, anyway."  
Sirius raised his head, and although Remus's voice sounded pleasant, although his friend was smiling, he noticed misery printed in his eyes.

* * *

_I've been through everything_

* * *

A constant beat on his window made Remus get up from his bed in the middle of the night slightly stunned.  
Intrigued because of the late hour, he looked for his wand and muttered a low "_Lumos_". With his eyebrows almost together he opened the window, and let a fluffed up owl enter and drop an envelope on the bed.  
Still confused, Remus felt his heart stop when he recognized Dumbledore's handwriting. "But it can't be anything serious, can it?" He asked himself, trying to be calm. "_Peter is hidden with Sirius, who is James, Lily and Harry's Secret Keeper… Nothing can have happened to any of them…."  
_Taking a deep breath, Remus opened the envelope, and as he read the parchment inside it he felt each part of his heart be carefully pulled away. What reflected on his face transformed to a mask of sadness and pain.

* * *

And now I'm on my knees again

* * *

He dropped a rose on James' tomb and then another one on Lily's tomb. The weather was slightly cloudy and a weak breeze blew, announcing a probable rain. Most of those who came to pay their last tribute to the Potters were already gone; the graveyard was silent and practically empty.  
With a sigh containing a sob, Remus faced the two sepulchers with reluctance.  
"_I couldn't save them,"_ he said bitterly.  
It started to rain, but he didn't mind. He simply let the water mix with the dense tears.

* * *

But I know I must go on

* * *

Remus was drinking a cup of tea, his mind totally tuned to the next day.  
Full moon.  
The first full moon without Padfoot, Prongs, or Wormtail's company. Two of them were dead and the other one was in prison. _Who would foresee this kind of destiny to the Marauders? The Gryffindor golden boys? No one… _He thought, laughing quietly.  
The tea had already gone, but Remus didn't seem to have noticed. He was keeping the cup tightly in his fingers, as if his life depended on it.  
He was alone.  
There wasn't anyone else. No friend to complain to about the dark stains below his eyes which would mark his young and tired face forever.

* * *

Although I hurt I must be strong

* * *

"I don't know. Maybe we should talk to some teacher; it may be dangerous," Remus said, uncertain. Immediately Sirius' voice explained:  
"It will be dangerous if McGonagall finds out! We'd be in deep shit!"  
"We'd be more than in deep shit— we'd be dead," agreed James in a tone that made the idea sound funny.  
"You mean you _prefer _taking the risk? Aren't you afraid of something happening?"  
"_Afraid_? Us?"  
"Remus, Remus… It seems sometimes you forget about who we are," said James with a laugh and a kindly slap on his friend's back.  
"Yeah Sometimes you forget about who _you_ are."  
Remus frowned as he stared at his two friends, both taller, more conceited, and more confident than he.  
"You are more than the 'Perfect' Remus…"  
"The kind—"  
"The studious—"  
"The prefect—"  
The young brown-haired dark boy sighed, shaking his head.  
"You are one of us, Remus!"  
Sirius ruffled his hair in a brotherly way as he finished:  
"You are a _Marauder_, Moony."  
_What dangerous thing could happen? After all, nobody can follow the rules every time, right? _A shrug was Remus' answer, followed by a shy smile… Ashamed. Happy.

* * *

Because inside I know that many feel this way

* * *

It was his last night at Hogwarts. The last night of the Marauders at Hogwarts.  
Remus was packing his things, feeling a little sad, and looking longingly at each cover of the books he had read many times, the parchments with his notes in his meticulous hand, his mended clothes, the feathers with marks of his teeth done in moments of concentration and nervousness.  
"Heyhey… Why are you making that face? As far as I know you've been successful in all the exams!" Sirius said when Remus was putting the last piece of cloth in his trunk and locking it with a short hit.  
"_Almost_ all, Padfoot. I almost didn't pass in Potions."  
The taller Marauder sat on the bed in front of Remus and raised his thick black eyebrows, looking at him in disbelief. "You aren't hoping I'll believe that face is because of Potions."  
Remus laughed and shook his head negatively.  
"So what's the matter?"  
Sighing, Remus turned his back to Sirius and walked towards one of the big windows of the seventh year bedroom, opened it, and leaned over the windowsill.  
"I'll miss this place, Sirius… the homework… the teachers…"  
"The banquets… annoying the Slytherins… full moon nights…" added Sirius dreamily, approaching Remus and looking at the sky through the window.  
"The library… the classes… the visits to Hogsmeade…"  
"Stealing food from the kitchen… Quidditch matches…"  
Remus almost didn't notice his eyes were wet when he said the last words:  
"I'll miss you… my friends."  
Sirius kept silent for some time, then suddenly passed one arm over Remus' shoulders and pulled him into a strong hug.  
"I'll miss you too, Moony… I know it won't be the same thing, but… none of us are going to leave you, right? We're going to keep together!"  
Remus still kept a little smile, but the tears started to stream and the boy let them slide down his face without any control.

* * *

Children, don't stop dancing

* * *

"I can't believe…."  
Remus stopped where he was, incapable of walking further. Of course he had seen motorcycles before, but not such a big one… and to make matters worse, one of his best friends was piloting it!  
"You are crazy, Sirius Black! Where did you get it?"  
"Ohh… I'll tell you if you agree with riding to London, mate," the young man said landing the motorcycle on the earth and winking wickedly at Remus.  
"You must have sold what remained of your sanity to think I'm going to climb up this… this… _thing_!" Remus laughed, pointing to the motorcycle.  
"Well You've never had problems with brooms."  
"You are right, my friend— _brooms—_not this Muggle machine enchanted by Merlin knows who!"  
Sirius walked towards Remus, pulling his arm without hesitating. The boy laughed again, trying to resist, but Sirius was stronger than he and _after all_… it could be fun.  
"All right, all right, but if you go too fast I'll transform you into a frog, or something even worse…"  
Sirius pretended he was scared, smiling at Remus the same way he used to and noticing his hands were trembling when he took the helmet.  
"Two for climb up, Mr Scott!" Sirius said when he climbed up the vehicle with Remus.  
"What?" inquired Remus, slightly confused… not to mention scared.  
"I saw it on TV, you know, that Muggle box with people inside it?"  
Remus rolled his eyes, held tightly to the motorcycle, and muttered, grinding his teeth. "Quick, Sirius! Before I change my mind!"  
The motor purred when they started flying and Remus felt happy to share this moment with such a crazy friend as Sirius. His face was almost bright despite an apprehensive feeling beneath.

* * *

Believe, you can fly

* * *

Due to racial affinity, Padfoot was always the first who got into Shrieking Shack, scenting the smell of the werewolf, which suddenly emerged from behind a door and tried to bite him. The stag and the rat preferred to be away from that dogs' fight, satisfied with watching the duel of paws and claws from a secure distance. Prongs and Wormtail used to laugh innerly before the childish attitudes of Padfoot and Moony.  
But that night would be different. James and Sirius had spent almost three months persuading Remus that Sirius as James were strong enough to catch him if the werewolf escaped out of control. Remus had yelled, "_This is dangerous! This will fail! I can attack someone! I can… kill someone!" _But it didn't have any effect. The two Marauders smirked after hearing those arguments.  
Dangerous was a synonym of funny in Potter and Black's dictionary.  
The four animals cunningly left the passage through the Whomping Willow. Prongs, occasionally twining his enormous horns in lower branches, took the lead with Wormtail on his back. Padfoot was the last one, technically designated to resolve an eventual escape trial from Moony, who among that strange retinue was looking at the sky, looking through the thick foliage to the moonlight that lit his shaggy and satisfied muzzle.

* * *

Away… away

* * *

Remus stayed the whole day in the hospital wing. He was sleepy, but at the same time he couldn't close his eyes due to the exorbitant pain he was feeling throughout his body. Each muscle was throbbing separately. His eyes were swollen and a little red. At that time his friends should be having lunch, worrying only about the homework they must hand in the next class, like any eleven-year-old boy.  
_Like any normal boy….  
_He pulled the thin sheet covering his head and laid on his side. He closed his eyes strongly because he wished to cry and really didn't wish Madam Pomfrey seeing him in that state. The nurse used to look at him so piously every morning after the full moon when she used to take him from the Whomping Willow.  
Even exhausted and with his body full of wounds he had never let himself be carried, even by magic, even by the nurse's hands. She had never insisted. She would walk slowly, waiting patiently for the little boy who would follow her, limping.  
"How is he feeling?" Remus heard Professor McGonagall asking of Madam Pomfrey, and pretended he was sleeping when they reached his bed.  
"How could he be, Minerva? Always the same thing, always hurt…. This is not a life for a kid," she sighed tiredly. "And do you know what startles me more?"  
"What, Poppy?" The teacher asked in a quiet voice, as though she were afraid of waking Remus up.  
"He doesn't complain. I've _never_ heard a single complaint from Mr Lupin's mouth."  
Professor McGonagall looked at the boy kindly, and unconsciously put one of her wrinkled hands on his face, taking some strands of hair from his closed eyes.  
"The innocents are always the ones who suffer the most, aren't they?"  
The voices were moving away and when he couldn't hear them any more, Remus opened his eyes. His brown hair fell over his eyes again and he sighed, totally awake.

* * *

_At times life's unfair and you know it's plain to see _

* * *

Since he started Hogwarts, Remus used to look the night sky once in a while, and always tried to ignore the moon. Though it didn't have its own light it used to shine more than any star, as though it wanted to frighten him _on purpose_.  
Before the accident, his parents used to say that each star in the sky was an important person, someone who had already left this world.  
"So the sky is full of dead people?" The child would ask the two adults who smiled before that innocent intelligency.  
_I don't know if that story about the stars is true,_ thought the boy as he leaned over the windowsill at Gryffindor Tower, _but… If there is a star for each one who has already gone… every day thousands of stars appear in the sky… to take care of those ones who are still here, right?  
_Remus lifted his head, observing the sky with a peculiar attention.  
"You who are up there… You could at least gather and take the moon off of the sky… couldn't you?" said the boy quietly, but in that silence his voice echoed in the whole dormitory.  
Saying that wish seemed so strange and unreal to him, but the boy _felt_ each one of the bright stars observing him cautiously. The next instant, a thick dark cloud covered the whole moon and Remus widened his eyes to the heavens, watching the same moon appear moments later.  
He closed the window carelessly, turned his back to it and felt his cheeks slightly warm: ashamed because he'd experienced a second of security.

* * *

_Hey God I know I'm just a dot in this world_

* * *

Without Wormtail, Prongs and Padfoot, Moony became violent again. Remus started to put up with the pain of every morning after the full moon. His body covered was with cuts and wounds, his eyes full of sand from the lost night.  
Being like this, even in the jobs where he didn't need to show documents which could reveal his _secret, _Remus was sacked in a short time.  
"Sick again, Lupin? I can't keep someone who is absent so many times…"  
He didn't contest. Even being an exemplary servant he'd never ask for a second chance. He couldn't put himself in risk being unmasked, being marked again.  
"I understand, sir."  
Downcast, but tranquil, Remus arrived home aware he would have to sell some books he had recently acquired. But he didn't mind. He would still stay alive as long as he could. Even if he had to mend his robes, even if people looked disdainful at him because of his stained look, he could still live among them fearless. He could still look at the sun every morning, letting and let its rays light his gray face. _

* * *

_

Have you forgot about me?

* * *

The letter from Dumbledore — offering the charge of DADA teacher — had arrived a few minutes after Remus had read about Sirius Black's escape.  
_Come back to Hogwarts? Sirius free? This is a dream... isn't it?_ Remus shook his head, trying to come back to reality.  
"Sirius is a criminal... A criminal who spoilt my life and my friends'" Remus said determinedly to himself, as he stared at the _Daily_ _Prophet_ opened on the table, next to the Headmaster's letter.  
_Shall I accept? Shall I come back?_ He'd needed so much time to forget the voices, the jokes, the joy... Did he really wish to remember everything again? — The man crossed his arms on the table and stared in front of him. Perhaps he was afraid. Afraid of being face to face with Sirius. Dumbledore's letter said Black had probably run away to look for Harry.  
It should be true.  
He couldn't save James, Lily or Peter... but Harry was alive. Harry deserved a chance. Remus knew he owed it to his friends.  
With a strange brightness in the eyes, Remus took a plain sheet of parchment and wrote lots of trembled lines. His face showed some fear, but disguised anxiety.

* * *

Whatever life brings

* * *

Lupin's heart almost stopped when he examined the Marauder's Map more attentively. It should be wrong... there wasn't another acceptable explanation. The Map was very old after all; it _had_ to be registering wrong.  
But it wasn't.  
Sirius was at Hogwarts. Peter was alive. And Remus had been deceived for all these years...  
"Sorry, Sirius..." He muttered in his friend's ear when he hugged him tightly.  
He felt his heart lighter for finding out Sirius was innocent, but on the other hand...  
"I shall acknowledge, Peter, that I find it hard to make out why an innocent man would want to be for twelve years in the body of a rat."  
Peter had betrayed everybody. Peter had killed James and Lily. Peter had incriminated Sirius. Peter had made Harry an orphan. _Peter had sentenced us to this hell for twelve years...  
_Remus found himself hating Peter like he had never hated anybody else.  
_I hate the one who was once one of my best friends...  
_"You should have understood that if Voldemort wouldn't kill you, we would. Goodbye, Peter."  
The calm, gentle and controlled face was still there, however the brown eyes were bitter... sad; full of sorrow and resentment.

* * *

_I've been through everything_

* * *

The curtains were still but Remus couldn't take his eyes off of the arch. He couldn't move, blink or even cry.  
_Why Sirius?  
_He heard voices beside him, voices saying he should be strong, saying he still had a life to live…  
_Why did you have to die too?  
_Saying that they understood what he was feeling, that everything would be ok…  
_Why did all my friends have to die?  
_Who was to blame for it?  
Harry, who believed in something he saw in a dream? Severus, who couldn't forget an old resentment? Dumbledore, who didn't tell the boy everything he needed to know before a tragedy like this happened? Or Remus? Remus, who couldn't convince Sirius to stay at home? Remus who wasn't enough fast, who let his friends mistreat Severus during their teenage years?  
It didn't matter any more.  
Sirius was dead. His best friends, the last friends that he had left. The only link to his teenage past, the better years of his life.  
How would Remus live without that support? Without the dumb jokes, without the nights they sat and simply talked about the past? How would Moony live aware that Padfoot would never run with him under the full moon again? Before, there was an immense sea, iron bars and a life sentence putting them apart. And everything… everything had been overcome… But now, even being a few yards and simple curtains… it was the end.  
It was death.  
The expression on Remus' face didn't change when he turned back to the platform. He was still calm. Dew. In control. But his eyes lost the last of their hope.

* * *

And now I'm on my knees again

* * *

A spell had been put on the door for almost half an hour, but the wizard who was sitting on the single bed was still staring at the dagger in front of him—not brave enough to touch it. It was small and sharp, but it wasn't only this that made it lethal.  
The dagger was made of the plainest silver and had been found by Remus recently, when he was cleaning one of the rooms at number twelve, Grimmauld Place As he held it for the first time, absent-mindedly, he felt his skin burn terriblly, and needed a cloth to keep a secure hold on the dagger**.  
**_But to what end? _Remus asked himself with his arms on his lap, not taking his eyes off of the weapon resting on the beside table. _Do I wish to desist? Desist everything?  
_He closed his eyes, and, putting his head down, felt the breeze coming from the window he had forgotten was open. He sighed many times to pluck up courage and stretched out his arm, holding the dagger by its wooden handle.  
_Maybe if I didn't look… If I could…  
_Remus heard the soft noise of something landing on the mattress, and with his heart in his throat he turned his head so quickly that he almost cracked his neck. He opened his eyes and found a totally white owl staring at him tightly and harshly.  
"Thank you, Harry…" He muttered, letting the dagger fall on the floor loudly and smiling to the owl, which chirped in approval.  
Lupin stretched his hand to pick up the envelop and opened it not so carefully, tearing the brown paper quickly.  
A small piece of parchment fell on the bed and Remus hurried to read it: 

"I received this yesterday.  
I'm sure Sirius would like you to have a copy.  
I hope you are ok.  
Love, Harry."

His hands trembling, Remus took the envelope again and pulled a photo which was inside it. There were house-elves wearing red bonnets in the background, and in the center there was Harry with his hair already messed up by a cheerful Sirius who had one of his arms around Remus' thin shoulders. The taller wizard had an attentive and satisfied look, but at the same time intimidating for those who were watching him. Lupin shivered.  
"I'm sorry, Sirius," he said quietly, smiling and taking care that photo wouldn't be stained by the tears that were falling from his face.

* * *

But I know I must go on

* * *

Even while he was sleeping Remus felt the familiar shaking of the Hogwarts Express. And even aware that the memories would hurt him, he couldn't not remember the first time he was here….  
_"Don't you mind if we sit here?"  
_A very thin boy with brown eyes and hair shrugged in response.  
"_My name is James Potter and this is Sirius Black."  
_The boy sketched a timid smile as he shook the two hands that were stretched to him.  
_"My name is Remus. Remus Lupin."  
_Everything became dark again and Remus heard voices, apprehensive and slightly frightened voices, followed by a sudden and weird cold…  
He opened his eyes, grabbing his wand with an alert expression.  
_It couldn't be… Not here….  
_"None of us is hiding Sirius Black under ours cloaks! Go!"  
Then Lupin saw Harry facing him with Lily's green eyes behind those round glasses… James' glasses, James' face….  
_Oh… Someone must be joking with me,_ he thought before getting out of the cabin. Leaning his hands on the wall and staring at the empty aisle in front of him, Remus felt relieved that nobody was there to see his surprise.

_

* * *

_

Although I hurt I must be strong

* * *

_It's incredible how this house can gather so much dust in such a little time…  
_Remus had been almost a week far of the Order's headquarters, working in many things. It was a busy week, and his head had been full only of practical thoughts that had nothing to do with his personal life.  
_But now…  
_He was again at number twelve, Grimmauld Place. Again he would have to face the ghosts he wanted so much to forget.  
He ran his tired eyes over a wooden table and as though he couldn't control his movements, he touched superficially the smooth and dark surface with one hand and then stared at the golden dust on his skin.  
Rubbing his fingers, Remus saw, because of a breach of sun that was coming in by the window, minuscule dust particles rising and dancing in the air.  
"_Come on! You can do better than this!"  
_"Why, Sirius?" Lupin asked, his eyes still staring at the bright dust.  
He heard a creaking and turned quickly. The door had just opened.  
"Oh… Sorry, Lupin… I was…"  
"It's all right, Severus," Lupin said hurriedly, cleaning his clothes from dust. "There is too much dust here."  
Snape raised an eyebrow. "I see…"  
"Are you looking for something?" Asked Lupin solicitously, a small smile on his lips.  
Severus was glaring at the table Lupin had just cleared from the dust. After a few seconds, he looked at his ex-colleague in the eyes. Remus smiled, but Severus gave him a harsh look.  
"He won't come back, Lupin."  
Remus raised his eyebrows, confused.  
"I see there's nothing I'm looking for here, excuse me…."  
Snape turned on his heels and strode out of the room, closing the door slightly.  
"But what…?"  
His eyes went down to the dark wooden table and Remus saw clearly in the dust — drawn by his own fingers an instant ago — what seemed to be a big arch… an arch with curtains being shaken by an invisible wind….  
"_Oh, Merlin…."  
_Remus put one hand above his closed eyes, as though he had been attacked by an abrupt migraine._

* * *

_

Because inside I know that many feel this way

* * *

The champagne bottle cork hit one of the windows in the room, which Lily fixed quickly with a wave of her wand.  
"Sorry, Lily," muttered Sirius, seeming truly embarrassed.  
The red-haired woman hugged James, smiling and waving her hands in a way that said clearly"forget about it".  
"Well,now that Sirius has just proven to us that his aim is still good…." James allowed himself a smirk, which Sirius answered with a glare—saying he'd get revenge. Then, followed by Lily, he lifted his bubbling cup. "I want us to drink to the health of the new member of the Potters!"  
"To a great wizard who'll be born."  
"To the new generation of Hogwarts' law-breakers!"  
"Sirius!"  
"I'm sorry, Lily, I couldn't resist… But he's James' son; what do you think he'll be?"  
Laughs and the noise of cups clanging went all around.  
It was a celebration to Lily and James' son… to Sirius Black's godson… to the little bundle of joy who was beginning to take shape after the war.  
Slightly far of the attentions centre, Remus was watching his three best friends. All of them were frightened, distrustful and afflicted, but maybe the great news would gather them again.  
To everything let be how it had been before.  
Peter approached the future parents and hugged James and Lily nervously, saying he was in a hurry. They tried to make him stay, but he smirked, said goodbye and left the room stumbling.  
On any other occasion, James and Sirius would think that attitude strange because Peter didn't use to run away from food that way — but at the moment neither of them minded. James was busy puffing up, and Sirius was paging his future godson, still in his mother's belly.  
They didn't notice when Remus left the room discreetly either, giving a last glance at that painting of happiness. Shaking his head, resigned, the wizard had just concluded he couldn't interfere… that moment was undoubtedly special, but definitely… he wasn't part of it.  
Things wouldn't be how they had been before.  
Even if he smiled outwardly for James, Lily, Sirius and the baby, within him something had been seriously changed. Remus only hoped such feeling would never cross his harmless mask of goodness and calmness. _

* * *

_

Am I hiding in the shadows?

* * *

"Did you know my father?"  
_How can I explain? How can I keep facing my dead best friend's son? How keep myself impartial? How can I not wish to strangle Sirius Black for putting me in this situation? If he hadn't run away, Harry wouldn't need to know how to protect himself against Dementors… If he hadn't betrayed James and Lily, if he hadn't killed Peter… He'd be free and would be just Harry's joker godfather… If he…  
_"Professor Lupin, if you knew my father, you should have known Sirius Black too."  
_Damned be whoever had told him that story!  
_For the first time in his short teaching career, Lupin was harsh and indelicate.  
"Yes, I knew him," he said shortly, as he remembered the Sirius who studied with him at Hogwarts…  
The friend with whom he had so many times stolen sweets from the kitchen… With whom he had studied for the exams — although the guy constantly used to affirm the tests would be easy… The same friend who had become an Animagus to accompany him during full-moon nights. That Sirius' face, joyful and young, appeared like a flash in his mind, became slowly and dolorously a chaotic image, and between hysteric laughs was carried to Azkaban against his will.  
"Or at least I thought I knew him."  
As he heard the door close, Lupin let himself slip by the wall, slump to the floor, hug his own legs and bury his gray face between his knees.

* * *

_Forget the pain and forget the sorrows_

_

* * *

_

Remus was walking to the teachers' room carrying a big parchment pile. _Maybe I should have accepted Hermione's help,_ he thought, realizing too late he'd drop all the essays….  
Sighing, he finally reached the corridor he wanted, but as he reached the door his refined ears made him stop as they caught his name on the air.  
"…and you keep defending him, Headmaster! How could Black enter here for the second time? It's obvious he is being helped…"  
"Severus, we've already discussed this point…"  
Lupin heard a loud thud. He was sure someone had punched a table or bookcase.  
"I don't trust him… for Merlin sake, they are old friends! You remember very well what this werew…"  
"Severus, would you open the door for Lupin please, because his hands are full?"  
However, when Snape opened the door, Remus was already far away. He threw the parchment on the floor and ran to an empty classroom; he stayed there until dinner, when the stains of the tears had disappeared from his face.

* * *

But I know I must go on

* * *

He frowned at something shining next to the window. Reaching, Remus crouched and took the fallen object next to an old commode.  
It was a pocket mirror.  
Remus knew that mirror. Many times he had seen James and Sirius — the detention champions of their year — take theirs when they were separated. Sirius had given the other mirror to Harry, but now… it wouldn't have utility.  
Sitting on the bed, Remus studied attentively the piece in his hand. He saw his reflected image, his deep-set eyes and gray skin.  
"You've forgotten to take this with you, Sirius," he muttered, looking at the sky through his window. "Harry might need you…."  
The curtains were violently blown by a strong wind and shook uncontrolled.  
Sighing, Remus got up to close the window — even though he had developed a strong aversion to shaking curtains — but when he looked outside, downwards, he saw a black dog—in front of the house no one could find.  
He shook his head and closed and locked the window as if that small piece of glass could help him. As if it could _hide_ him from his ghosts.  
Far away, Remus heard a bark and keeping the mirror in one hand, closed his eyes.  
"Did you come to get it, Sirius? Do you want to look at Harry… some way?"  
Remus fell asleep right there, holding the mirror against his chest, brown and white hair falling into his shut eyes.

* * *

_Although I hurt I must be strong_

* * *

"And don't forget to read chapter fifth and bring me a resume next week."  
From his table Lupin watched the students packing their things and hurrying to leave the room.  
That was his Gryffindor 5th year group, the Weasley twins' group. Each of _that_ group's classes caused moments of anxiety and agony for Professor Lupin, and it wasn't because of he had problems with Fred and George. Actually, he thought they were very intelligent for their age and he even laughed silently at the jokes they made in the classroom.  
That ingeniousness, that will to make everybody around them laugh, the good humor and the spitefulness they both radiated. It was all so alike. So alike and at the same time so different. It seemed someone had finally followed the Marauders' steps at Hogwarts… but those two weren't Sirius and James.  
They'd never be.  
Lupin propped his chin on his hands, looking at the desks in front of him--now empty—remembered those years he himself had occupied those desks, when he himself had tried to contain his laughter — sometimes not so childishly as Sirius and James did. He got up and walked slowly between the desks, distractingly tidying the quills, inkpots and parchment, his face suddenly taken by a deeply melancholic and nostalgic expression.

* * *

Because inside I know that many feel this way

* * *

"Mr Potter, Mr Black, what is the meaning of this?"  
"Well, Professor! How can you think we'd do something like that!"  
Lupin smiled to himself, remembering the scene. Sirius and James were very straight-faced, smiling to the teacher who had had his table transformed into an opossum. Peter had fallen from the chair before, crying of laughter, and Remus put a fist into his mouth to suffocate his own laugh. He hardly remembered how they had escaped that day…  
He felt an abrupt chill. He had his back to the main door with his eyes closed.  
_And if he looked now?  
_He could almost hear the sound of laughs, the scraping of the chairs. He could almost hear Sirius saying, _that time they had been almost caught.  
_He opened his eyes but all he saw was an empty room. His old briefcase was on the teacher's desk and on the blackboard there were the class notes.  
"Hey, Remus!"  
_Damn!_ His mind was messing with him again.  
"Moony, Hurry up!"  
Remus panted. That was Sirius' voice.  
Calling himself a big idiot because of what he was doing, Remus turned to the door--from where the voices were coming--and caught his breath.  
The corridor he saw was the same, but now there were three students there. All of them were wearing uniforms with the lion emblem on the lapel in red and gold, and they were still a few steps away facing him. The tallest had black hair, a loose tie, and was supporting a big bag on one shoulder; to his left wore round glasses and had black hair totally messed up, and the shortest one was fat with a round face and pink cheeks.  
Remus raised his hand to the air, trying to touch his three best friends, but as he took the firsts steps, a boy passed through him as if he were a ghost.  
A fourth boy appeared, the same height as the one with glasses; he had light brown hair and patched clothes.  
"Gee, finally!"  
"Were you knitting with the teacher all this time, Mr Prefect? There's a lunch waiting for us!"  
Remus saw the tall one messing the boy's light brown hair; the latter dropped his bag and caught it.  
Lupin widened his eyes to his 20 years younger self, who left with his friends, vanishing like ghosts in the corridor. He stretched out his hand, buried his face in it, returned to the room, and closed the door. _

* * *

_

Children, don't stop dancing

* * *

Seven brooms flew harmoniously. Commemorating. Party. Victory.  
When had Remus seen that scene before? How many times had he been supporting in his seat at the pitch, watching James raise the snitch in one hand, shaking it for the whole stadium to see, taking in envious, admiring, resigned… satisfied looks.  
Harry was very different from James. He didn't fly boasting of having won the Cup, but the smile, when the boy passed above the bleachers, was identical to his father's. The happiness was the same. The characters had changed, but the story hadn't.  
Gryffindor's victory gained applause from almost the whole of Hogwarts.  
_James would be proud_, thought Lupin, applauding as the red and golden rooters made more and more noise, jumped the rail between them and the pitch, and ran to lift the team on their arms.  
Still sitting, Lupin didn't bother to contain his smile. Then he turned his eyes downwards towards to one of the empty edges of the stadium.  
He couldn't catch his breath.  
A big black dog was standing still, watching everything.  
_No….  
_Lupin shook his head and blinked.  
The dog had vanished.  
He kept staring the place for some moments but nothing strange happened. He propped his face on his elbows and turned his eyes back to the stadium, sighing as he watched the Quidditch Cup ceremony.  
_Old Sirius would be proud, too….  
_He didn't look again at the edge where he thought he had seen the dog, but until the end of the ceremony he couldn't take his eyes off of Harry.

* * *

Believe you can fly

* * *

It wasn't censure Harry's eyes were reflecting. Not even sorrow or reproach. Only sadness and guilt were easily visible in the teenager's face, Remus analysed with a quick glance.  
_He deserves a chance_, he thought as he watched the boy greet those present almost like it were his obligation.  
_Should he say something? Offer some help or consolation?  
_He knew he shouldn't. The last thing Harry needed was to listen to the lamentations or condolences of an old man. He himself wouldn't like to say them. He knew they were barely useful to relieve him of pain, of angst…. Silence sometimes is the best companion.  
He greeted Harry politely, cautiously, feeling as if he were treading on eggshells. It seemed as though he were meeting a completely unknown person instead of the son of his best friends.  
He sighed, feeling like his hands were tied, watching him walk accompanied by his uncle and aunt. The last ones who had remained to him in the world.  
Remus felt an involuntary fit of cold when his eyes fell over Ron and Hermione.  
_No. They weren't the last ones.  
_He shut his eyelids, shook his head quickly, and smiled an ill-at-ease smile. How could he have forgotten? _Harry will be all right. He still has his friends.  
_The boy waved to everybody before turning back and vanishing by the exit of the station.  
Remus put his hands in his trousers pockets and raised his head, watching sunshine forcing its way through the dirty glass. He nodded and, getting curious looks from Moody and Tonks, smiled to himself.

* * *

Away…away

* * *

Summer. The four Marauders were resting in a tree's shadow after hours and hours of theory exams. James was playing with a snitch, under the stare of Peter, who was following the golden reflection attentively. Sirius was watching the scene too but he rolled his eyes in front of his friend's attitude. Remus wasn't looking at any of them, but he knew what they were doing.  
He could foresee their actions, could even say what they were thinking, but he preferred the silence.  
And so he knew Severus was next to them. Remus could smell him.  
_Eh… advantages and disadvantages of being a werewolf…  
_But he could smell another thing, too. Trouble. Big trouble. After all, it was only a question of time before Sirius and James…  
"This will cheer you up, Padfoot," said James, calmly getting up. "Look who's there."  
Remus buried his face in the book he had in his hands. _I could have diverted their attention, couldn't I?_, he thought as he pretended he wasn't listening to the provocations and insults, pretended he wasn't realizing that the prank was becoming serious…  
_I could… I should stop them….  
_But Remus stayed quiet, hiding behind a used Transfiguration book, a figure frustrated with his own lack of attitude.

* * *

_Am I hiding in the shadows?_

* * *

He was dreaming of Hogwarts' lake. There was a full moon and Remus could see it reflected in the dark water clearly as he listened to his own howls in distance.  
The figure of a boy appeared in the dream. He had rebel-black hair, big green eyes, wore round glasses, and when the wind blew, the hair blown from his forehead revealed a thin scar in the shape of a lightning bolt.  
The boy sat at the lake, totally unaware of the dark figure that was approaching and the snake that was slithering towards him accompanied by a fat and (furless-tailed) rat . The wind kept blowing strongly, shaking the top of the trees, but the boy didn't at least blink.  
The sound of hoofs against the ground was heard.  
The dark figure came closer, raising two rot and gnarled hands to the boy, but he didn't do anything after this. Galloping on the lake, a second figure, enormous and silvery, stood in front of the boy and shielded him with its enormous antlers._ Antlers?  
_Remus watched Prongs drive the Dementor away and turn back to the boy, waving his head to him before vanishing into air.  
But the snake and the rat were still there.  
The snake slithered calmly on the grass, rising to attack. Remus screamed in his dream, trying to alert the boy, but he didn't seem to hear him. He was still standing looking at the lake.  
The snake lunged. It was going to take his arm off when an enormous black paw appeared in its way, throwing it into the ground with one only strike. A black bear-like dog was illuminated by the moonlight, staring at the snake furiously with its light eyes. The snake hissed and slithered far away.  
Padfoot barked loudly to the boy, who was still standing, and then moved away too, to hide among the foliage near. Afraid of the dog, the little rat ran away to the forest–however, Remus knew there was something waiting for it too.  
The rat slipped on the stones, sliding among the trees like a shadow and suddenly he heard the sound of heavy paws. It started to run shocked. It shrieked loud and continuously.  
Even so it couldn't muffle the snarls of what was pursuing it.  
Seconds after, Wormtail felt a warm breath above him and the last thing he saw was a pair of red eyes, followed by an enormous queue of teeth when Moony caught him.

* * *

_Are we hiding in the shadows?_

* * *

****

The End

Coments? Send me your beautiful owls properly **IDENTIFIED ON THE SUBJECT** or leave a review! I'm looking forward to know your opinion! .

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**Harry Potter **belongs exclusively to** J. K. Rowling **and** Warner Bros. **The song** Don't Stop Dancing **belongs to** Creed.  
**But this songfic **BELONGS TO ME** and I swear in behalf of Padfoot's soul I'm pursuing for the rest of my life that one who dares copying it or posting it somewhere without my authorization. It's a valid oath, don't you think?  
Copyright © December 2003. All rights reserved.

x-x

> Remus only suffer, suffer and suffer… oh, I'd like very much to do something for him… my dearest and loved prefered character! Aunt JKR very, but very bad!


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